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TODAY IS THE DAY. At 6pm today, the Apple iPhone will be released. Soon enough there will be an unreconcilable rift of pandamonium that will rage across shopping malls and retail stores nationwide. The Evening News will report that rioting has ensued and a war is being waged by consumers. People, this is no Tickle-Me-Elmo! This is a disaster waiting to happen. The world as we know it could be interrupted and turned upside down by a single piece of electronics!

More likely than not this won't happen, but we expect this iPhone business to be on the top of every News channel this evening.

"This is Trisha Takanawa on site for Fox News. I'm reporting on the line of people here at the Apple store. It's all very boring, but we're just going to make the hype much worse by supposing this is a very imperative issue in the social agenda."